Sign-In
Cart
The Enabling Instinct: Why You Can't Stop Rescuing People Who Keep Needing Rescued
Paperback
Business GeneralGeneral ParentingGeneral Psychology
Publisher Price: $24.99
ISBN13: 9781804281086
Publisher: Readers First Publishing Ltd
Published: Jul 29 2026
Pages: 222
Weight: 0.67
Height: 0.47 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
Why do you keep writing checks to people who keep needing them?
There is a specific silence right before your phone rings. You already know who is calling, what the emergency is, and that you are going to pay for it-even though you swore last time would be the final time. If you have ever felt trapped by your own generosity, The Enabling Instinct provides the vocabulary to understand exactly why.
In this volume of The Money Instinct Library, Jordan Ellis dives into the psychology behind why we repeatedly financially rescue siblings, friends, and adult children. This is not a book about the occasional gift or a one-time emergency loan. It is about the rescue that has stopped being a choice and turned into a reflex-driven by guilt, identity, and the fear of who you would become if you finally said no.
Inside, you will explore the deeply wired mechanisms that keep you writing checks, including:
- The Drama Triangle: How the Rescuer role delivers a psychological payoff that makes stepping back incredibly difficult.
- The Sunk Cost Fallacy: Why the money you have already spent makes it feel impossible to stop funding a failing venture or legal battle.
- Enmeshment: The dangers of treating your own budget and a relative's crisis as a single shared pool of money.
- Learned Helplessness: How consistent, reliable rescue actively prevents your loved ones from developing their own financial competence.
- Compassion Fatigue: The emotional flattening and exhaustion that occurs when you provide sustained support to someone in an ongoing crisis without ever letting your own well refill.
Instead of simply telling you to set better boundaries, The Enabling Instinct offers concrete, actionable overrides to interrupt these patterns before they take over. You will learn how to structure a boundary that actually holds up against guilt, pushback, and the weight of your family's expectations.
You do not have to choose between your own financial security and loving your family. Learn how to step out of the rescue cycle and build a relationship based on honesty rather than endless obligation.
Also from
Ellis, Jordan
Stranger Danger and Awareness for Kids: Teach Children to Stay Safe Without Living in Fear
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
The Digital Prepper: Preparing for Data Breaches, Identity Theft, and Cyberattacks
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
Desert Foraging & Hunting: A Family Survival Guide to Finding Food, Tracking Game, and Thriving in Arid Landscapes
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
Bulletproof Craft: Essential Firearms, Gunsmithing, and Survival Skills for the Prepared American
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
Raising Chickens, Rabbits, and Goats: Small Livestock for Meat, Eggs, and Dairy
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
The Retirement Instinct: The Reflex That Makes You Afraid to Spend the Money You Saved
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
Ghost Towns Across America: Mining Camps, Rail Hubs, and Coastal Towns-A Field Guide to America's Abandoned Places
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
Family-Friendly Survival Gear: Complete Guide to Selecting Equipment That Works for Every Family Member
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
Gut Health for Beginners: Boost Energy, Balance Weight, and Transform Your Wellness Through the Microbiome
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
Phishing & Scam Detection Quick Guide: Identifying and Avoiding Online Threats
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
Hurricane Erin and the 2025 Atlantic Hurricane Season: A Survival & Preparedness
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
Gut Health for Beginners: Boost Energy, Balance Weight, and Transform Your Wellness Through the Microbiome
Ellis, Jordan
Hardcover
Coastal Foraging & Fishing: A Practical Family Guide to Harvesting, Cooking, and Living Sustainably from the Sea
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
The Merge Instinct: What Happens When Two Money Nervous Systems Try to Become One
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
The Comparison Instinct: Why You Measure Your Financial Life Against People You'll Never Beat
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
The Divorce Instinct: Rebuilding a Financial Identity After the Split That Took Half of Everything
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
The Overconfidence Instinct: Why Winning Convinces You You're Better Than You Are
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
The Burnout Instinct: Why Working Past the Point of Diminishing Returns Feels Like the Only Safe Option
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
The Delegation Instinct: Why You'd Rather Do It Yourself Than Risk It Being Done Wrong
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
The All-Ages Emergency Plan: Complete Guide to Preparing Your Entire Family From Infants to Seniors
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
The Babysitter's Guide to Emergencies: Essential Skills & Knowledge for Safe, Confident Childcare
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
Family Survival Stories: Real Tales of Resilience, Courage, and Coming Through Emergencies Stronger
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
Powerless Entertainment for Kids: 50+ Engaging Screen-Free Games & Activities for Blackouts and Power Outages
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
School and Daycare Emergency Plan: Essential Guide to Ensuring Your Child's Safety in Educational Settings
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
Teaching Preparedness to Kids: Empower Children with Safety Skills and Resilience Without Causing Fear
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
Pet Emergency Kit Quick Guide: Complete Preparation for Your Furry Family Member's Safety During Disasters
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
The Panic Instinct: How Financial Shame and Money Avoidance Quietly Take Over
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
The Windfall Instinct: The Psychology Behind Why Sudden Money Disappears So Fast
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
The Control Instinct: When Money Becomes the Way One Partner Keeps the Other In Line
Ellis, Jordan
Paperback
Also in
General Psychology
Slaying the Dragon: The History of Addiction Treatment and Recovery in America
White, William L.
Paperback
Real Life Intuition: Extraordinary Stories from People Who Listen to Their Inner Voice
Barnum, Melanie
Paperback
The Enneagram of Eating: How the 9 Personality Types Influence Your Food, Diet, and Exercise Choices
Gadd, Ann
Paperback
On Death and Dying: What the Dying Have to Teach Doctors, Nursers, Clergy, and Their Own Families
Kbler-Ross, Elisabeth
Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth
Paperback
The Electromagnetic Brain: Em Field Theories on the Nature of Consciousness
Joye, Shelli Renée
Paperback
The Sullivanians: Sex, Psychotherapy, and the Wild Life of an American Commune
Stille, Alexander
Hardcover
Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Stone, Douglas
Heen, Sheila
Patton, Bruce
Paperback
Wearing My Tutu to Analysis and Other Stories: Learning Psychodynamic Concepts from Life
Adelman, Anne
Anderson, Catherine
Malawista, Kerry
Paperback
Inspired: Understanding Creativity: A Journey Through Art, Science, and the Soul
Richtel, Matt
Hardcover
Philosophy in Turbulent Times: Canguilhem, Sartre, Foucault, Althusser, Deleuze, Derrida
Roudinesco, Elisabeth
Paperback
Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror
Herman, Judith Lewis
Paperback
Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood Through Adulthood
Hallowell
Hallowell, Edward M.
Paperback
Radical Compassion: Learning to Love Yourself and Your World with the Practice of Rain
Brach, Tara
Hardcover
The Strength of Sensitivity: Understanding Empathy for a Life of Emotional Peace & Balance
Mesich, Kyra
Paperback
Discover Your Soul Template: 14 Steps for Awakening Integrated Intelligence
Anthony, Marcus T.
Paperback
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
Gibson, Lindsay C.
Paperback
Essays V2: Moral And Entertaining On The Various Faculties And Passions Of The Human Mind (1815)
Clarendon, Edward Hyde Earl of
Paperback
The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles
Pressfield, Steven
Paperback
No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model
Schwartz, Richard C.
Paperback
Strong Ground: The Lessons of Daring Leadership, the Tenacity of Paradox, and the Wisdom of the Human Spirit
Brown, Brené
Hardcover
Publication Manual (Official) 7th Edition of the American Psychological Association
American Psychological Association
Paperback
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
Rosenberg, Marshall B.
Paperback
Burn the Haystack: Decode Dating, Torch the Duds, and Make Room for Men Who Matter
Young Phd, Jennie
Hardcover
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--And Keep--Love
Levine, Amir
Heller, Rachel
Paperback
Hábitos Atómicos: Cambios Pequeños, Resultados Extraordinarios / Atomic Habits
Clear, James
Paperback
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical Dbt Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, a
Wood, Jeffrey C.
Brantley, Jeffrey
McKay, Matthew
Paperback
The Culting of America: What Makes a Cult and Why We Love Them
Mestyanek Young, Daniella
Reed, Amy
Hardcover
Your Ocd Will Hate This Book: A Proven System to Overcome Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Take Back Your Life
Peterson, Nathan
Hardcover
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
Gibson, Lindsay C.
Hardcover
Revenge of the Tipping Point: Overstories, Superspreaders, and the Rise of Social Engineering
Gladwell, Malcolm
Paperback
A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection
Epley, Nicholas
Hardcover
Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience
Brown, Brené
Hardcover
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving in
Fisher, Roger
Ury, William
Patton, Bruce
Paperback
The Balancing ACT: Creating Healthy Dependency and Connection Without Losing Yourself
Tawwab, Nedra Glover
Hardcover
The Complex PTSD Workbook: A Mind-Body Approach to Regaining Emotional Control and Becoming Whole
Schwartz, Arielle, PhD
Paperback
My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies
Menakem, Resmaa
Paperback
Beyond Belief: The Science-Backed Way to Stop Limiting Yourself and Achieve Breakthrough Results
Eyal, Nir
Hardcover
It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
Wolynn, Mark
Paperback
Sometimes Therapy Is Awkward: A Collection of Life-Changing Insights for the Modern Clinician
Arzt, Nicole
Paperback
Moral Economics: From Prostitution to Organ Sales, What Controversial Transactions Reveal about How Markets Work
Roth, Alvin E.
Hardcover
Self-Love Workbook for Women: Release Self-Doubt, Build Self-Compassion, and Embrace Who You Are
Logan, Megan, MSW Lcsw
Paperback
The Ultimate Fun Adult Activity Book: Logic Puzzles, Sudoku, Mazes, Word Searches, Crosswords, Acrostics, Coloring, and More!
Demyanovich, Julie
Paperback
The Secure Soul: Finding Inner Strength and Connection When Trust Doesn't Come Easy
Cook, Alison
Paperback
Te vas a morir y todavía no has empezado a vivir: 29 principios para vivir mejor (y con más sentido)
Falces, Laura
Moreno Montana, Uli
Paperback
The Internal Family Systems Workbook: A Guide to Discover Your Self and Heal Your Parts
Schwartz, Richard C.
Paperback
Anchored, Aligned, Accountable: A Framework for Transcending Bullsh*t and Transforming Our Lives and Work
Bethea, Aiko
Hardcover
The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worst
Mays Lpc Csat-S, Michelle
Paperback
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
Brown, Brené
Paperback
The Road Less Triggered: Turning Conflict Into Connection with a Single Choice
Flanagan, Kelly
Paperback
Make It Stick: The Science of Successful Learning
McDaniel, Mark A.
Roediger, Henry L., III
Brown, Peter C.
Hardcover
Engaged Compassion: Seven Practices to Cultivate Resilience, Connection, and a Joyous Life
Negi, Lobsang Tenzin
Hardcover
When Everyone Knows That Everyone Knows . . .: Common Knowledge and the Mysteries of Money, Power, and Everyday Life
Pinker, Steven
Hardcover
The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact
Heath, Chip
Heath, Dan
Hardcover
Synchronicity: An Acausal Connecting Principle. (from Vol. 8. of the Collected Works of C. G. Jung)
Jung, C. G.
Paperback
Hbr's 10 Must Reads on Emotional Intelligence, Updated and Expanded (Featuring What Makes a Leader by Daniel Goleman)
Goleman, Daniel
Ibarra, Hermina
Review, Harvard Business
Paperback
The 6 Types of Working Genius: A Better Way to Understand Your Gifts, Your Frustrations, and Your Team
Lencioni, Patrick M.
Hardcover
Imagine That: Transform How You Think, Feel, and Live with the Science of Imagination
Vieten, Cassandra
Hardcover
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed
Gottlieb, Lori
Hardcover
Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults: A Guide for the Anxious, Uniquely Wired, and Easily Distracted
Maguire, Caroline
Hardcover
The Art of Letting Go: Stop Overthinking, Stop Negative Spirals, and Find Emotional Freedom
Trenton, Nick
Hardcover
Decolonizing Therapy: Oppression, Historical Trauma, and Politicizing Your Practice
Mullan, Jennifer
Hardcover
Once Upon a Stranger: The Science of How "Small" Talk Can Add Up to a Big Life
Sandstrom, Gillian
Hardcover
This Book May Cause Side Effects: The Curious and Dangerous Power of the Nocebo Effect, Placebo's Evil Twin
Pilcher, Helen
Hardcover
The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth
Edmondson, Amy C.
Hardcover
You Are the One You've Been Waiting for: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships
Schwartz, Richard C.
Paperback
Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Stone, Douglas
Heen, Sheila
Patton, Bruce
Paperback
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine
Moore, Robert
Gillette, Doug
Paperback
Say This, Not That: How to Master 7 Dreaded Conversations As a Leader in the Modern Workplace
Flickinger, Chris
Paperback
The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity--And Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race
Lieberman, Daniel Z.
Long, Michael E.
Paperback
Come Closer: Childhood Wounds, Adult Love, and the Secrets of Emotional Intimacy
Atlas, Galit
Hardcover
How to Win Friends and Influence People: Updated for the Next Generation of Leaders
Carnegie, Dale
Hardcover
Publication Manual (Official) 7th Edition of the American Psychological Association
American Psychological Association
Paperback
The Addiction Recovery Workbook: Powerful Skills for Preventing Relapse Every Day
Freedman, Paula A.
Paperback
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - For Women Only: Be Happy With or Without a Man
Gray, John
Paperback