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The Conflict Instinct: Why You Say "It's Fine" When It Isn't
Paperback
CognitionGeneral PsychologyMental Health
Publisher Price: $22.99
ISBN13: 9781804281697
Publisher: Readers First Publishing Ltd
Published: Sep 7 2026
Pages: 156
Weight: 0.48
Height: 0.33 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
In *The Conflict Instinct*, author Jordan Ellis maps the appeasement reflex - the automatic pattern that
converts a two-minute honest conversation into sixteen weeks of silent resentment, a disagreement about
holiday plans into seventy years of burnt sugar as your only permitted rebellion.
Ellis demonstrates that chronic conflict-avoidance doesn't prevent friction - it transforms addressable
disagreements into unaddressable grudges. The work colleague whose mistakes go unmentioned until the
entire project collapses. The boundary never drawn until the friendship ends without explanation. The small
yes that locks you into years of quiet scorekeeping.
Readers will discover:
- Why the right moment to speak up shrinks by the hour, and why I'll say something next time is a
promise you won't keep
- The hidden scorekeeping system that activates the moment you silence a legitimate concern
- How it's fine functions as a loan with compounding interest - relief now, resentment later
- The three-sentence pattern that replaces appeasement with honest disagreement without becoming
combative
- Why burnt sugar, forgotten groceries, and small acts of sabotage replace the conversations you refuse to
have
- The fifteen-second window when a boundary still feels negotiable - and what happens after it closes
*The Conflict Instinct* provides a field-tested framework for recognizing when appeasement has replaced
honesty, and the specific steps to reset the pattern before the original issue becomes unsalvageable.
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