Sign-In
Cart
No One Came Looking for Simba: Maternal Wounds, Attachment, and the Survival Strategies of the Abandoned Child
Paperback
Currently unavailable to order
Please enter your email and a message will be sent to you when this product becomes available on our website.
Publisher: Independently Published
Pages: 492
Weight: 1.44
Height: 0.99 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
Everyone remembers the stampede. Almost nobody notices what happens next.
Scar tells the pride that Simba is dead. Simba runs. And then the film cuts - to a desert, to a jungle, to a song about eating grubs - and by the time we return to Pride Rock, Simba is grown, and no one has ever explained what happened in between.
Nobody came looking for him.
That silence is the subject of this book. Not whether Sarabi was a bad mother - the film tells us she believed her son was dead - but the far more useful question underneath it: what does a child conclude when no one comes, and who does she have to become in order to survive that conclusion?
Some of us were not abandoned in any way a form would record. Our mothers were in the house. They were also unreachable - depressed, overwhelmed, frightened, working doubles, grieving, or simply somewhere else. And a child's nervous system does not file that under complicated circumstances. It files it under this is how the world works now - and then builds an entire personality on top of it.
You may recognize the personality.The one who is competent in every crisis and cannot accept a ride to the airport. The easy child who was praised for needing nothing and now cries in her car after good news. The one who became indispensable because being needed felt safer than being loved. The one who says I'm good the way other people say amen.
Drawing on attachment research, trauma science, and the psychology of ambiguous grief, licensed clinician Dr. Donetta D. Quinones uses one of the most familiar stories in the world as a lens for one of the least examined wounds - and does something rare in this genre: she tells you exactly how strong the evidence is, including where it is weaker than you have been led to believe.
Inside this book:
- Why the absence of a search party wounds differently than the loss itself
- How Hakuna Matata works as avoidance disguised as peace - and how to tell the difference in your own life
- The four survival strategies of the unfound child, and the one you chose
- Why intimacy - not conflict - is what activates the oldest material
- How to grieve a mother who is still alive, using Pauline Boss's work on ambiguous loss
- What to do when the parent who was never there now needs you to care for her
- Why your attachment style is not your star sign, and what the internet gets wrong
- A guided practice at the end of every chapter, plus a plain-language glossary of every term used
This is not a book about blaming mothers. It holds two truths at once: a mother can love her child, be doing her genuine best, and still be unavailable to the child who needed her - and that child still has to live with what she concluded. Understanding why she could not come may explain the wound. It does not automatically close it.
For readers of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Mother Hunger, Attached, and Running on Empty - and for anyone who has ever wondered why being loved still feels like a trap.
An independent work of commentary and analysis. Not authorized by, endorsed by, or affiliated with Disney Enterprises, Inc.
Also from
Quinones, Donetta D.
Daring You to Be YOU!: Developing Emotional Intelligence to Promote Healthy Relationships
Quinones, Donetta D.
Paperback
Daring You to Be YOU! - Military Edition: Personal Development Begins From Within
Quinones, Donetta D.
Paperback
Daring You to be YOU: Overcoming Fear of Failure through Self-Reflection: Overcoming Your Fear of Failure through Self-Reflection
Quinones, Donetta D.
Paperback
Daring You to be YOU: Evaluating Relationships: Evaluating Relationships
Quinones, Donetta D.
Paperback
Everyone I've Never Met: Parasocial Attachment, Borrowed Identity, and What Happens When Strangers Become the Inner Circle
Quinones, Donetta D.
Paperback
The Two Oxen and the Farmer's Yoke: Learning Humility, Shared Responsibility, and God's Design for Healthy Relationships
Quinones, Donetta D.
Paperback
Daring YOU To Be YOU: Setting Goals: Track Your Goals to Track Your Success!
Quinones, Donetta D.
Paperback
Use Me: Spiritual Objectification, and the Difference Between Access and Abiding
Quinones, Donetta D.
Paperback
Also in
Self-Help
Go-To Notebook with Mohawk Paper, Midnight Blue Blank: (Blank Notebooks, Simple Notebook, Blue Notebook)
Chronicle Books
Other
Go-To Notebook with Mohawk Paper, Brick Red Dotted: (Dotted Notebook, Notebook with Dots, Red Notebook)
Chronicle Books
Other
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
Brown, Brené
Paperback
The Craftivist Collective Handbook: Projects, Stories and Methods for Your Gentle Protests
Corbett, Sarah P.
Hardcover
How Do You Feel?: A Spectacular Compendium of Ideas, Interactive Games, Provocations, Tests, and Tricks That Explore the World of What You Feel and Wh
Hughes, Edgar Gerrard
Paperback
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
Walker, Pete
Paperback
Conscious Crafts: Knitting: 20 Mindful Makes to Reconnect Head, Heart & Hands
Koranteng, Vanessa
Kludje, Sicgmone
Hardcover
The Healthy Deviant: A Rule Breaker's Guide to Being Healthy in an Unhealthy World
Gerasimo, Pilar
Paperback
Inspired: Understanding Creativity: A Journey Through Art, Science, and the Soul
Richtel, Matt
Hardcover
1000 Words: A Writer's Guide to Staying Creative, Focused, and Productive All Year Round
Attenberg, Jami
Hardcover
Your Intuition Led You Here: Daily Rituals for Empowerment, Inner Knowing, and Magic
Vargas, Marlene
Naranjo, Alex
Hardcover
The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness [With CD]
Segal, Zindel
Williams, Mark
Teasdale, John
Paperback
Awakening the Chakras: The Seven Energy Centers in Your Daily Life
Daniels, Kooch N.
Weltevrede, Pieter
Daniels, Victor
Paperback
The Complete Guide to the Enneagram: A Modern Approach to Self-Discovery and Connecting Well with Others
MacKenzie, Sierra
Paperback
Worthy as You Are: Weed Out Unhealthy Beliefs and Nourish Your Authentic Self
Duriel, Durgadas Allon
Paperback
The Danish Way of Raising Teens: What the Happiest People in the World Know about Raising Confident, Healthy Teenagers with Character
Sandahl, Iben Dissing
Paperback
Unlocking the 7 Secret Powers of the Heart: A Practical Guide to Living in Trust and Love
Tubali, Shai
Paperback
The Power of Your Angels: 28 Days to Finding Your Path and Realizing Your Life's Dreams
Fallois, Isabelle
Paperback
Witch Wisdom for Magical Aging: Finding Your Power Through the Changing Seasons
Johnson, Cait
Paperback
Escribe El Guion de la Vida Que Quieres: Manifiesta Tus Sueños Con Tan Solo Lápiz Y Papel
Christyn, Royce
Paperback
Badass Habits: Cultivate the Awareness, Boundaries, and Daily Upgrades You Need to Make Them Stick
Jen Sincero
Paperback
Creative Visualization: Using Imagery and Imagination for Self-Transformation
Shone, Ronald
Paperback
I Am That Girl: How to Speak Your Truth, Discover Your Purpose, and #bethatgirl
Jones, Alexis
Paperback
The Art of Communication: How to Be Authentic, Lead Others, and Create Strong Connections
Apps, Judy
Hardcover
Martial Arts Teaching Tales of Power and Paradox: Freeing the Mind, Focusing Chi, and Mastering the Self
Fauliot, Pascal
Paperback
Catastrofobia: La Verdad Detrás de Los Cambios de la Tierra En El Arribo de la Era de Luz
Clow, Barbara Hand
Paperback
Princes, Frogs & Ugly Sisters: The Healing Power of the Grimm Brothers' Tales
Hunter, Allan G.
Paperback
The Blue Zone: Lessons for Living Longer from the People Who've Lived the Longest
Buettner, Dan
Hardcover
London Falling: A Mysterious Death in a Gilded City and a Family's Search for Truth
Keefe, Patrick Radden
Hardcover
The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking about
Robbins, Sawyer
Robbins, Mel
Hardcover
Discover Your Soul Template: 14 Steps for Awakening Integrated Intelligence
Anthony, Marcus T.
Paperback
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
Gibson, Lindsay C.
Paperback
Unfuck Your Brain: Using Science to Get Over Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Freak-Outs, and Triggers
Harper, Faith G.
Paperback
How to Be Okay When Nothing Is Okay: Tips and Tricks That Kept Me Alive, Happy, and Creative in Spite of Myself
Lawson, Jenny
Hardcover
The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness
Haidt, Jonathan
Hardcover
As a Man Thinketh - the Original 1902 Classic (includes the Mastery of Destiny) (Reader's Library Classics)
Allen, James
Paperback
The Little Frog's Guide to Life: Love, Advice and Inspiration for Every Day from the Internet's Beloved Mushroom Frog
Eequay, Maybell
Hardcover
Think and Grow Rich: The Landmark Bestseller Now Revised and Updated for the 21st Century
Hill, Napoleon
Paperback
Hbr's 10 Must Reads on Mental Toughness, Updated and Expanded (Featuring How to Stop Worrying about What Other People Think of You by Michael Gervais)
Review, Harvard Business
Gervais, Michael
Duckworth, Angela L.
Paperback
The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness
Koga, Fumitake
Kishimi, Ichiro
Paperback
The Retire Sooner Method: The 5 Secrets Behind America's Happiest (and Unhappiest) Retirees
Moss, Wes
Hardcover
The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles
Pressfield, Steven
Paperback
How to Be a Rich Old Lady: Your Guide to Easy Investing, Building Wealth, and Creating the Wild, Beautiful Life You Want
Holden, Amanda
Hardcover
Don't Believe Everything You Think (Expanded Edition): Why Your Thinking Is the Beginning & End of Suffering
Nguyen, Joseph
Hardcover
Take Breaks, Work Better: Measure Impact, Not Hours, and Transform Your Profitability
Briggs, John
Paperback
No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model
Schwartz, Richard C.
Paperback
Through Mom's Eyes: Simple Wisdom from Mothers Who Raised Extraordinary Humans
Jones, Sheinelle
Hardcover
Strong Ground: The Lessons of Daring Leadership, the Tenacity of Paradox, and the Wisdom of the Human Spirit
Brown, Brené
Hardcover
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High
McMillan, Ron
Patterson, Kerry
Grenny, Joseph
Paperback
Be Your Own Bestie: A No-Nonsense Guide to Changing the Way You Treat Yourself
Brown, Misha
Hardcover
Stop Letting Everything Affect You: How to break free from overthinking, emotional chaos, and self-sabotage.
Chidiac, Daniel
Paperback
Body Electric: The Hidden Health Costs of the Digital Age and New Science to Reclaim Your Well-Being
Zomorodi, Manoush
Diaz, Keith
Hardcover
The Courage to Commit: Embrace the Radical Power of Sticking with Something
East, Andrew
Johnson, Shawn
Hardcover
Walk: Rediscover the Most Natural Way to Boost Your Health and Longevity--One Step at a Time
McDowell, Milica
Conley, Courtney
Hardcover
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
Rosenberg, Marshall B.
Paperback
Rewrite the Program: How to Stop Conforming, Start Exploring, and Find Fulfillment
Bowman, Eli
Paperback
Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts
Burkeman, Oliver
Paperback
Who Moved My Cheese?: An A-Mazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and in Your Life
Johnson, Spencer
Hardcover
The Saved Effect: True Stories of Lives Reclaimed by People Who Were Willing to ACT
Newbury, Brad
Newbury, Kiera
Hardcover
The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living
Holiday, Ryan
Hanselman, Stephen
Hardcover
Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life...and Maybe the World
McRaven, William H.
Hardcover
The Story of Your Life: How Social Media Shapes the Way We Experience Everything
Jezer-Morton, Kathryn
Hardcover
Are You Mad at Me?: How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You
Josephson, Meg
Hardcover
Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them
Lepera, Nicole
Hardcover
The Life-Changing Art of Self-Brain Surgery: Connecting Neuroscience and Faith to Radically Transform Your Life
Warren MD W. Lee
Hardcover
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
Manson, Mark
Hardcover
Tarot for the Wild Soul: A Trauma-Informed Approach for Growth, Healing, and Grounding in the Present Moment
Mack, Lindsay
Hardcover
Doing Small Things with Great Love: How Everyday Humanitarians Are Changing the World
Eubank, Sharon
Hardcover
Burn the Haystack: Decode Dating, Torch the Duds, and Make Room for Men Who Matter
Young Phd, Jennie
Hardcover
The Gifts of Imperfection: 10th Anniversary Edition: Features a New Foreword and Brand-New Tools
Brown, Brené
Paperback
The Overthinker's Guide to Making Decisions: How to Make Decisions Without Losing Your Mind
Nguyen, Joseph
Hardcover
The Company We Keep: Friendship, Connection, and Redefining What It Means to Grow Together
Elle, Alexandra
Hardcover