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Eric Wobble's Trips Thru' Time
Paperback
Publisher: Independently Published
Published: Nov 9 2024
Pages: 230
Weight: 0.69
Height: 0.48 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
What else do you want to know? What does the Time Machine look like? It looks like a Raleigh Chopper bike. Who does he meet? Oooh, let's see. Beethoven, that's one. Robin Hood, there's another. Cleopatra. Well, you would, wouldn't you. Frankenstein. Hang on, hang on, going on there with your 'He's not real' - you don't know if it's actually the one with the monster (missus)**. Oh, he meets Helen of Troy as well. And gets stuck in a World War II PoW camp. He definitely doesn't meet Custer, that's in book 2 (oops, er, spoiler alert). There's lots more. Would a sample help? (missus). OK then....
Oh, zat was at a meeting of 'Shortarses Anonymous', you know, one of those things where you go and get up on a podium, or a box, anything so people can see you, and say 'Bon jour. My name is Napoléon, and I am.... short', and they clap, and make you feel accepted, a sort of psychological American Express.
Do you still attend?
Non. I 'ave passed a law making it an offence to be more than five-foot-two high, so I am now ze tallest man in France. Anyone taller than me is sentenced to be guillotined until he is shorter.
But what was Josephine doing at that meeting? Isn't she over six feet tall?
Oui, but she 'as very bad eyesight, she looks down at 'er toes and thinks that they are much closer than zey really are. Plus, she does not spend a lot of time on 'er feet, if you know what I mean.
And was it love at first sight?
At first sight of my wallet, yes.
Is it true that you said to her, 'Not tonight, Josephine'?
Non, it was, 'Not AGAIN tonight, Josephine', zat woman is insatiable, all night long on just one croissant, sacré bleu eet is 'ard to lead an Army into battle with an ice-pack down your breeches, I can tell you. But not unenjoyable. Well, my friend, if I have answered all your questions, I must be going, I 'ave an important battle to fight this afternoon, which I must bravely direct from the top of zat hill eight miles away. Pass me zat white flag and bundle of women's clothes, would you? * It's every day where I come from
** It is
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