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Honey-Cakes and Holy Fires
Paperback
Publisher: Independently Published
Published: Jul 17 2026
Pages: 60
Weight: 0.21
Height: 0.12 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
Honey-Cakes and Holy Fires by William Haddix
In a world where magic is heresy punishable by fire, Vaelin the Blasphemer just wants a quiet drink and some goddamn honey-cakes.
Too bad the Church has other plans.
When a band of self-righteous witch-hunters ruins his tavern meal by beating a peasant girl, Vaelin decides enough is enough. With a foul mouth sharper than his katana and enough lazy reality-warping power to make the gods weep, he turns the Bishop's grand public execution into the most humiliating floral disaster the holy order has ever seen.
But one dead zealot and one shattered cathedral later, the entire city garrison is hunting him. Trapped at the top of a burning holy tower with a handful of dramatic rebels who keep babbling about prophecies, Vaelin does what he does best: He improvises.
Stained-glass toboggans. Exploding pinecones. Floating furniture. And one very pissed-off wizard who refuses to die gloriously for anyone's cause.
From sewer crawls and magnetized tin cans to gravity-bending cathedral duels and a final reckoning with a gold-robed fanatic who thinks burning people is how you talk to God, Honey-Cakes and Holy Fires is the story of one cynical bastard who just wanted peace and quiet... and ended up burning the whole damn system down instead.
No chosen ones. No prophecies. Just steel, sarcasm, and the best honey-cakes money can buy when no one's trying to kill you.
A gritty, hilarious, and gloriously irreverent dark fantasy for anyone who's ever wanted to watch a self-important theocracy get absolutely wrecked by one very lazy, very foul-mouthed wizard.
Honey-cakes taste better when the cathedral's on fire. - Vaelin the Blasphemer
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