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The Pickled Onion Prophet
Paperback
Publisher: M. P. Ellis
Published: Sep 23 2026
Pages: 314
Weight: 0.80
Height: 0.70 Width: 5.50 Depth: 8.50
Language: English
What happens when Heaven needs a Messiah, Hell wants a war, and the man chosen to save humanity would rather be left alone with his guitar and a pint?
Jimmy Roberts was once a Liverpool pub landlord, musician and professional troublemaker. Now he is an angel with a scruffy halo, extraordinary powers and a growing reputation for miracles. He never asked for any of it. Unfortunately, Heaven's Senate has other ideas. They believe Jimmy could be the answer to a crisis threatening to spill across the boundaries between Earth, Heaven, Lazaretto and Hell.
Jimmy, however, has no interest in becoming the Messiah.
Heaven itself is far from the perfect paradise people imagine. Behind the pearly gates are politics, bureaucracy, arguments and competing interests. Lazaretto, the strange halfway realm where souls are given seventy years to reform, has become a chaotic world of pleasure, crime and excess. And Hell is no simple pit of fire. It has its own hierarchy, its own rules and its own ruthless ruler.
That ruler is Baphomet.
Powerful, intelligent and determined, Baphomet thrives on disorder. While Heaven debates what to do about Jimmy, she is working towards a conflict that could change the balance between the realms.
Then there is Victor Sheridan, the giant Galway sheep farmer known as the Galway Goliath.
Victor is a decent man whose life is destroyed by betrayal. Framed for a murder he did not commit, he loses his freedom, his family and eventually his life. His arrival in Hell seems to prove that death has not made the world any fairer.
But Victor refuses to accept his fate.
His story becomes intertwined with Jimmy and a group of unlikely companions, including musicians, comedians and souls who have discovered that death does not necessarily mean the end of their troubles. Together they find themselves crossing the boundaries between the realms, confronting Heaven's bureaucracy, Hell's authorities and some very strange creatures along the way.
Guiding the reader through this extraordinary universe is Abe Malone, an old angel with a sharp tongue and a wicked sense of humour. Abe knows the rules of the afterlife, but he also knows that the rules do not always make sense.
As Jimmy's accidental miracles become impossible to ignore, Earth begins looking for a saviour. Heaven begins preparing for the consequences. Hell sees an opportunity.
Jimmy just wants everyone to calm down.
But miracles have consequences.
The closer Jimmy gets to becoming the figure Heaven wants him to be, the more dangerous the situation becomes. Old rivalries intensify, hidden alliances are exposed, and Victor's past catches up with him. The fragile boundary between Heaven and Hell begins to crack.
The Pickled Onion Prophet is an irreverent journey through life, death and everything in between, mixing dark humour, absurd situations, unlikely friendships, betrayal, miracles and a surprisingly warm heart.
Beneath the comedy lies a simple question: what actually makes someone worthy of Heaven?
Is it faith? Obedience? Reputation? Or is it what you do for other people when nobody is watching?
In this afterlife, sinners can surprise you, the righteous can disappoint you, and redemption may come from the most unlikely places.
Jimmy Roberts never asked to be a prophet.
He certainly never expected to become a Messiah.
But Heaven has already made its decision.
Now Jimmy has to live with it.
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