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Things Not to Pet in Florida
Paperback
Publisher: Independently Published
Published: Apr 25 2026
Pages: 74
Weight: 0.24
Height: 0.15 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
Florida is beautiful. Florida is sunny. Florida will absolutely try to kill you.
From the alligator lounging in your swimming pool to the fire ants turning your flip-flop into a war zone, the Sunshine State is crawling, slithering, stinging, and charging with creatures that do NOT want to be petted. But you were going to try anyway, weren't you?
Things Not to Pet in Florida is your hilariously illustrated, darkly funny survival guide to the wildlife (and wild life) that makes Florida the most entertaining place on Earth to almost die.
Inside, you'll meet:
The American Alligator - nature's armored speed bump with 80 teeth and zero patience
The Water Moccasin - the angry swimming noodle that owns every ditch in the state
The Fire Ants - tiny demons that declare war on your ankles without warning
The Burmese Python - Florida's uninvited 20-foot houseguest from Southeast Asia
The Wild Boar - 300 pounds of tusked fury with nowhere to be and all day to get there
The Mosquito - Florida's unofficial state bird
The Manatee - the one you CAN'T pet even though you desperately want to
And the most dangerous creature of all... The Florida Man
Featuring stunning original illustrations, laugh-out-loud dark humor, and actual facts you'll wish you didn't know, this book is perfect for Florida natives, brave tourists, and anyone who's ever read a headline that started with Florida Man...
Educational. Hilarious. Potentially life-saving.
Written by Terry Chill with Elizabeth Jeanne Chill. No authors were bitten, stung, or charged during the making of this book. Mostly.
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