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Roll for collateral damge: Critical Fail, Absolute Win
Paperback
Publisher: Independently Published
Published: Oct 1 2026
Pages: 98
Weight: 0.29
Height: 0.25 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
First rule of D&D: Never let the rookie cast spells.
Dave is playing Dungeons & Dragons for the very first time. Handed a druid character named Bron and a stern lecture that nature is strictly neutral-neither good nor evil-he is determined to do a bang-up job. Unfortunately, his interpretation of neutral involves a high-powered thunder spell that accidentally obliterates the party's introductory guard caravan.
To ensure they still get paid and keep their options open, Dave decides to tie up loose ends. Convinced he's simply putting the surviving NPCs out of their misery, he wipes the slate clean, strong-arms a near-death paladin into silence via divine blackmail, and ropes in a profit-hungry rogue and a blissfully clueless barbarian.
When the Dungeon Master drops a legendary, apocalyptic Tarrasque on the edge of town as a subtle hint to go the other way, Dave takes it as a personal challenge. Joined by a party of enablers who have long since given up on survival, the group charges headfirst into a suicide mission of epic proportions.
Hilarious, chaotic, and entirely unhinged, [Insert Title] is the ultimate tale of a first-time roleplayer who saved zero lives, conquered zero monsters, and achieved a 100% mortality rate-leaving a table full of friends laughing until they cried.
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