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North America Will Supersize You: 150 Hilarious, Rewarding and Surprisingly Profitable Things to Do on a Continent That Does Not Do Small
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ISBN13: 9798193468356
Publisher: Independently Published
Pages: 76
Weight: 0.23
Height: 0.20 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
Publisher: Independently Published
Pages: 76
Weight: 0.23
Height: 0.20 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
You have already seen North America. You have seen a television programme filmed in about four cities. The actual place is bigger, stranger, kinder and considerably more committed to giant fibreglass men beside the highway than anyone warned you.
You will underestimate the distances. Everybody underestimates the distances. You will look at two dots on a map, decide they are neighbours, and discover nine hours later that Texas alone is larger than France and has not finished with you.
You will underestimate the distances. Everybody underestimates the distances. You will look at two dots on a map, decide they are neighbours, and discover nine hours later that Texas alone is larger than France and has not finished with you.
150 THINGS. TEN CHAPTERS. ONE VERY LARGE LANDMASS.
▸ Be asked the purpose of your visit and forget entirely
▸ Panic at a tipping screen over a bottle of water
▸ Order a starter and receive a main course
▸ Answer 'how are you' honestly, once, by mistake
▸ Attempt to walk somewhere in Los Angeles
▸ Call a Canadian an American and watch a famously polite person locate a firm position with impressive speed
▸ Discover the world's largest ball of twine and find you are genuinely moved
THE JOKE IS YOU
This is not a book that laughs at North Americans. It laughs at the visitor - at your inability to comprehend the scale, your panic at the tip screen, your defeat by a milkshake that arrived with a second milkshake inside a metal cup. The continent is fine. You are the one having a difficult time.
THE PART THAT IS ACTUALLY USEFUL
Between the jokes there is a real book. A phrasebook for a language you already speak - because 'entrée' means the main course and people order two. A seasons guide that argues for autumn and reveals the shoulder-season trick nobody plans around. Nine US regions, because the differences between Vermont and Texas are larger than between several European countries. A packing list. And one chapter with no jokes at all, covering ESTA and eTA prices, the imitator websites charging ten times the official fee, and the fact that American healthcare will bankrupt an uninsured visitor with genuine efficiency.
AND THREE COUNTRIES, NOT ONE
North America gets flattened into 'America' constantly. This book takes that apart affectionately - comparing three breakfasts (Mexico wins), explaining Canada's genuinely deranged metric-imperial hybrid, noting that Mexico is a G20 economy with the largest Spanish-speaking population on earth, and closing on a small correction that is noticed everywhere: half a billion people live here and roughly a third of them are not American.
Now go and be supersized. You did not order it and it is coming anyway.
▸ Be asked the purpose of your visit and forget entirely
▸ Panic at a tipping screen over a bottle of water
▸ Order a starter and receive a main course
▸ Answer 'how are you' honestly, once, by mistake
▸ Attempt to walk somewhere in Los Angeles
▸ Call a Canadian an American and watch a famously polite person locate a firm position with impressive speed
▸ Discover the world's largest ball of twine and find you are genuinely moved
THE JOKE IS YOU
This is not a book that laughs at North Americans. It laughs at the visitor - at your inability to comprehend the scale, your panic at the tip screen, your defeat by a milkshake that arrived with a second milkshake inside a metal cup. The continent is fine. You are the one having a difficult time.
THE PART THAT IS ACTUALLY USEFUL
Between the jokes there is a real book. A phrasebook for a language you already speak - because 'entrée' means the main course and people order two. A seasons guide that argues for autumn and reveals the shoulder-season trick nobody plans around. Nine US regions, because the differences between Vermont and Texas are larger than between several European countries. A packing list. And one chapter with no jokes at all, covering ESTA and eTA prices, the imitator websites charging ten times the official fee, and the fact that American healthcare will bankrupt an uninsured visitor with genuine efficiency.
AND THREE COUNTRIES, NOT ONE
North America gets flattened into 'America' constantly. This book takes that apart affectionately - comparing three breakfasts (Mexico wins), explaining Canada's genuinely deranged metric-imperial hybrid, noting that Mexico is a G20 economy with the largest Spanish-speaking population on earth, and closing on a small correction that is noticed everywhere: half a billion people live here and roughly a third of them are not American.
Now go and be supersized. You did not order it and it is coming anyway.
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