Open Daily: 10am - 10pm | Alley door pickup 10am - 7pm 3038 Hennepin Ave Minneapolis, MN
612-822-4611

  • Open Daily: 10am - 10pm
    Alley-side Pickup: 10am - 7pm

    3038 Hennepin Ave Minneapolis, MN
    612-822-4611

Open Daily: 10am - 10pm | Alley-side Pickup: 10am - 7pm
3038 Hennepin Ave Minneapolis, MN
612-822-4611
The Mortality Audit: Nothing is certain except death and paperwork

The Mortality Audit: Nothing is certain except death and paperwork

Hale, Remy

Paperback

HumorGeneral Fiction

ISBN13: 9798259237414
Publisher: Independently Published
Published: Apr 28 2026
Pages: 330
Weight: 0.97
Height: 0.74 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
Elias Marsh, forty-two, dies as he lived: meticulously alone. He chokes on a cracker at his desk, avoiding a birthday party for a colleague he doesn't dislike so much as profoundly ignore. He awakens in the Department of Post-Mortal Stasis, a purgatory of flickering lights, mustard-coloured chairs, and a ticket number with twelve digits. Here, your after-existence depends on a Recall Meter: as long as anyone alive remembers you, you wait. When no one does, you're processed - erased.

Elias's meter is a stubborn 4.3, and it's not moving. Not because of family or friends (he considers those relationships Resolved long ago), but because of a woman he shared an umbrella with twenty years earlier. Sarah, now a school librarian weathering her own quiet storm, reaches for the memory of his small, undemanding kindness whenever the world tilts. She has no idea he's dead, or that her need is anchoring him to a waiting room that views lingering souls as a queue-management problem.

Armed with a broken pencil and a soul-deep distrust of inefficiency, Elias discovers the Department's darker secret: a procedure that can surgically remove memories from the living - not gently fading them, but ripping the memory of a person out of a grieving mind and leaving only a vague, inescapable hurt. The procedure is meant to clear bottlenecks, and Elias, with his immobile meter and his habit of filing aggressive paperwork, is becoming a bottleneck.

To protect Sarah and a hidden community of dead souls who've been quietly subverting the system, Elias must do the one thing he's good at: bury the Department in so much compliance that the machine breaks down. But as shadowy Enforcers arrive to optimise the queue - deleting anyone who makes too much noise - he learns that fixing the system and keeping someone safe might demand a sacrifice he never made in life: letting himself stay.

Witty, warm, and quietly devastating, The Mortality Audit is a bureaucratic comedy for anyone who's ever wondered if the afterlife has forms. It's about the paper trails we leave behind, the people who refuse to stop remembering us, and the radical possibility that some systems are worth breaking for the sake of a single, borrowed umbrella.

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