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Graham Cracker Karate Pants: An Early 2020s Satirical Fiction Short Story of the State of Our Times and Life in the USA
Paperback
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ISBN13: 9798293393961
Publisher: Independently Published
Published: Jul 18 2025
Pages: 64
Weight: 0.22
Height: 0.15 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
Publisher: Independently Published
Published: Jul 18 2025
Pages: 64
Weight: 0.22
Height: 0.15 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
That Crazy USA Political Humor! Graham Cracker Karate Pants is an early 2020s satirical fiction Novelette (Update: Actually, it's not a short-story-oops! too many words, Woo-hoo!) of the wackadoodle state of our times and life in the USA.
A few of the characters:
Timothy: He was like a poorly constructed marionette that someone had to construct very quickly, because there was not a lot of time left but the show had to go on, and there were no other marionettes available. I'll call it Covid - The Dark Ages, said Timothy, rather proud of himself, smiling as if he had just invented electricity. Timothy waited for his earpiece to tell him what to say next. Then it came through: I feel your pain! Timothy growled in his angriest grandpa voice. And those who listened believed that he was talking directly to them, and they rejoiced in having company with their default misery.
A few of the characters:
Timothy: He was like a poorly constructed marionette that someone had to construct very quickly, because there was not a lot of time left but the show had to go on, and there were no other marionettes available. I'll call it Covid - The Dark Ages, said Timothy, rather proud of himself, smiling as if he had just invented electricity. Timothy waited for his earpiece to tell him what to say next. Then it came through: I feel your pain! Timothy growled in his angriest grandpa voice. And those who listened believed that he was talking directly to them, and they rejoiced in having company with their default misery.
Timothy's song (music, vocals): As my body decomposes there's a wonderful surprise, a lot of fancy gadgets in my head, behind my eyes. I'm a zombie and a cyborg, and you all know it's true. You're hungry and I'm hungry. I'll bite and you can chew. It's a sweet combination and you know you want some more of this hungry-hippo zombie crossed with a cyborg.
Mistress Fuzzypants: An old dominatrix from San Francisco who used to frequent the Control Switch B & D club and gets really pissed when things don't go her way. Back in San Francisco, Mistress Fuzzypants and her crew were watching a musical, a musical that takes place in a psych ward. One of the songs went like this, Coronavirus, I watched my aunt die. I did some meth and stabbed myself in the eye, There's a new sandwich called depression. It's absolutely delicious. You really ought to try it., went some of the dialogue. Ahh, things are going swimmingly, Mistress Fuzzypants could not help herself and exclaimed this rather loudly during the play, So glad we donated to this theatre company. It was worth every penny! This play perfectly exemplifies the mindset we have been painstakingly projecting on the public (three of her favorite group of P's no doubt!)! I am so close to declaring myself the Queen of America, I can taste it. Speaking of taste, Georgie! Get me another scoop of champagne gelato, pronto!
Cashmere: Cashmere was very angry and hoping that Timothy would die very soon. She smiled like a satisfied cat that had just silently caught a bird, swallowed it, and could feel it weakly pecking at her iron esophagus as it slowly descended into her stomach to be digested. Her eyes had an ever-present laughing twinkle in them...
Cashmere: Quick! Get the remote! Cashmere hollered to her aides. He's malfunctioning again! Oh Jeez! That's the 5th stroke he's had on camera this week. It's almost daily now. Cashmere thought to herself, How much longer must this charade go on? Every day he grows weaker and weaker, while I grow strong, strong, Strong! Yes, I could easily push him off the riser of some crappy stage we may frequent on our Empty Neighborhood Public Park Tour. But what if I got caught?
Ms. Raccoon: Ms. Raccoon was in her secret hideout underground. She thought to herself, I have a great idea, a wonderful, wonderful idea. I know exactly what I'm going to do. Bobbleheads - I'm going to create thousands, then millions, then billions of bobbleheads that look exactly like me. Everyone can put them on their car dashboards. Every time they drive or go over a bump in the road, they will see my wide eyes and my big lipstick smile with my head furiously bobbing and looking right at them. That's exactly what people need right now.
Mistress Fuzzypants: An old dominatrix from San Francisco who used to frequent the Control Switch B & D club and gets really pissed when things don't go her way. Back in San Francisco, Mistress Fuzzypants and her crew were watching a musical, a musical that takes place in a psych ward. One of the songs went like this, Coronavirus, I watched my aunt die. I did some meth and stabbed myself in the eye, There's a new sandwich called depression. It's absolutely delicious. You really ought to try it., went some of the dialogue. Ahh, things are going swimmingly, Mistress Fuzzypants could not help herself and exclaimed this rather loudly during the play, So glad we donated to this theatre company. It was worth every penny! This play perfectly exemplifies the mindset we have been painstakingly projecting on the public (three of her favorite group of P's no doubt!)! I am so close to declaring myself the Queen of America, I can taste it. Speaking of taste, Georgie! Get me another scoop of champagne gelato, pronto!
Cashmere: Cashmere was very angry and hoping that Timothy would die very soon. She smiled like a satisfied cat that had just silently caught a bird, swallowed it, and could feel it weakly pecking at her iron esophagus as it slowly descended into her stomach to be digested. Her eyes had an ever-present laughing twinkle in them...
Cashmere: Quick! Get the remote! Cashmere hollered to her aides. He's malfunctioning again! Oh Jeez! That's the 5th stroke he's had on camera this week. It's almost daily now. Cashmere thought to herself, How much longer must this charade go on? Every day he grows weaker and weaker, while I grow strong, strong, Strong! Yes, I could easily push him off the riser of some crappy stage we may frequent on our Empty Neighborhood Public Park Tour. But what if I got caught?
Ms. Raccoon: Ms. Raccoon was in her secret hideout underground. She thought to herself, I have a great idea, a wonderful, wonderful idea. I know exactly what I'm going to do. Bobbleheads - I'm going to create thousands, then millions, then billions of bobbleheads that look exactly like me. Everyone can put them on their car dashboards. Every time they drive or go over a bump in the road, they will see my wide eyes and my big lipstick smile with my head furiously bobbing and looking right at them. That's exactly what people need right now.
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