Sign-In
Cart
Calories Don't Count When...: Women's Hilarious Stories About Food & Survival
Paperback
Publisher: Independently Published
Published: Jun 3 2026
Pages: 54
Weight: 0.19
Height: 0.11 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
You already know the rules. A calorie is a calorie. Math is math. The nutrition label does not care what kind of day you had, who forgot your birthday, how long you sat in that waiting room, or what your coworker Karen said in the staff meeting.
The nutrition label is wrong.
Calories Don't Count When... contains 40 hilarious, honest, and entirely true stories from women across the country who have done the real math. The math that accounts for a 12-hour nursing shift, an ex who still has your bowl, a pediatrician appointment that lasted two and a half hours, a thunderstorm, Mercury in retrograde, and a cheese board eaten alone at 11pm on a Tuesday for no reason whatsoever except that she wanted it.
These women revised the math. They zeroed out the calories. In special cases they reversed them entirely and saved them for the future.
Organized into six sections including Workplace Offenses, Relationship Crimes, Motherhood Survival, Just Because I Wanted It, Acts of God, and Social Situations, this book covers every scenario in which the standard caloric calculation simply does not apply.
It is a love letter to every meal eaten standing at the counter, in the car, in the dark, in the stairwell, or directly from the pan. No judgment. No math. No refunds.
You were warned. Now eat something.
Also in
Humor
I Can't Believe I Did That: The Game That Gives You Points for Sharing Awkward, Awesome, and Unforgettable Memories: Card Games
Nadelberg, David
Katcher, Neil
Other
The Science Magpie: Fascinating Facts, Stories, Poems, Diagrams and Jokes Plucked from Science
Flynn, Simon
Paperback
How to Be a Cat: (Cat Books for Kids, Cat Gifts for Kids, Cat Picture Book)
Swerling, Lisa
Lazar, Ralph
Hardcover
The Chapo Guide to Revolution: A Manifesto Against Logic, Facts, and Reason
Chapo Trap House
Hardcover
Peculiar Questions and Practical Answers: A Little Book of Whimsy and Wisdom from the Files of the New York Public Library
New York Public Library
Hardcover
Wtf America?!: The Way Out of This Hell and Back to Democracy
Meiselas, Jordy
Meiselas, Ben
Meiselas, Brett
Hardcover
How to Be Okay When Nothing Is Okay: Tips and Tricks That Kept Me Alive, Happy, and Creative in Spite of Myself
Lawson, Jenny
Hardcover
Not Today, Fascists: The Lies That Got Us Here, and the Truths That Will Reunite Us
Welch, Jennifer
Hardcover
Pardon My Book: Ten Years of the Best (and Worst) in Sports from Pardon My Take
Big Cat
Commenter, Pft
Hardcover
Big Fan: Two Friends, 82,490 Miles, and the Wild, Wonderful Sports We Love
Schur, Michael
Posnanski, Joe
Hardcover
How to Grow Up Without Becoming a Grown-Up: Big Lessons from Little Kids
Shapiro-Barnum, Julian
Hardcover
We've Been Here the Whole Time!: A Not So Sacred Guide to All Things Native America
Clift, Joey
Paperback
The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Five Novels in One Outrageous Volume
Adams, Douglas
Paperback
Black Out Loud: The Revolutionary History of Black Comedy from Vaudeville to '90s Sitcoms
Bennett, Geoff
Hardcover
The New Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Expert Advice for Extreme Situations
Piven, Joshua
Borgenicht, David
Hardcover
We Are the World (Cup): A Personal History of the World's Greatest Sporting Event
Bennett, Roger
Hardcover
There Are Moms Way Worse Than You: Irrefutable Proof That You Are Indeed a Fantastic Parent
Boozan, Glenn
Hardcover
Bake It Off: An Unofficial Taylor Swift-Inspired Cookbook for Every Era, from Breakfast to Midnights
Smith, Lindsey
Hardcover
Nobody Wants Your Sh*t: The Art of Decluttering Before You Die (New York Times Bestseller)
Condo, Messie
Hardcover
How to Talk to Your Cat about Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives
Auburn, Zachary
Paperback