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Bartholomew the Magnificent (A Footnote)
Paperback
General FictionHistorical Fiction
Publisher: Independently Published
Published: Mar 9 2026
Pages: 252
Weight: 0.68
Height: 0.63 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
History remembers Alexander the Great. It does not remember the man who fixed the plumbing.
Prince Bartholomew of Macedon has a plan. While his famous contemporary charges across Asia collecting glory, adulation, and three professional chroniclers, Bart will prove that consistent competence outperforms reckless charisma. He will conquer cities and govern them properly. He will build infrastructure, standardize tax codes, and establish the most efficient grain storage system the ancient world has ever seen.
The name Bartholomew the Magnificent will echo through eternity.
Instead, he gets a backward helmet. A city named by a rainstorm. A collection of broken ceremonial keys. And the grudging respect of an accountant.
A comedic novel of ancient ambition, bureaucratic warfare, and the man history forgot - told by the man himself, who remains genuinely baffled by the oversight.
From the armories of Macedon to the banks of the Granicus, from the Oracle at Siwa to the deserts of Gedrosia, Bart wages a one-sided rivalry with Alexander's shadow. He founds a city in a monsoon. He captures the King of Persia and loses him to assassination before the paperwork clears. He leads an army through the desert and discovers that the greatest achievement of his career is a drainage system nobody will ever credit to him.
Along the way, he collects broken keys, battles war elephants, endures a committee debate over military sandals, and learns - far too late - that the greatest legacy isn't the one anyone remembers.
Bartholomew the Magnificent (A Footnote) is for fans of Terry Pratchett, Christopher Moore, and Monty Python. It is for anyone who has ever done excellent work and watched someone else take the credit. It is, above all, very funny.
History remembers the conquerors. It forgets the man who made sure the conquerors had functioning sewers.
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