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You Are My Freshest. Around the World. China.
Paperback
Publisher: Independently Published
Published: Mar 26 2026
Pages: 276
Weight: 0.82
Height: 0.58 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
They thought they were sending their parents on a round-the-world trip. Instead, they unleashed a jar of chopped herring with a passport, a dragon with a sneezing problem, and two broom-wielding Nazis on an unsuspecting world.
At the Atlantis-Palace hotel, everything runs on schedule: mermaids sing Odessa ballads, Nazis fall in formation while sweeping the paths, and Kostya loses his limbs with clockwork regularity. To finally get her parents to see the world, Asya sends them on a tour of China. But with this kind of luggage, even the Great Wall isn't ready for the visit.
Joining the expedition:
Kostya, whose arms have minds of their own (and aren't afraid to use them);
Ebi, who's exhausted from being the only sane person in the group;
Mama Sara, wielding a frying pan and determined to feed everyone shashlik;
Papa Izya, with a three-month-old newspaper that knows everything;
Forshmak, a jarred herring appetizer demanding a passport, respect, and equal rights for all snacks;
Qi, a substance that records everything and might be running out of patience;
a jaguar live-streaming the chaos (he's always where the content is);
and Fedya, a tiny dragon who sneezes fire and dreams of finding a family.
Their journey takes them through:
A convention of hopping vampires dedicated to limb-related issues;
An awakened Terracotta Army contemplating existential questions;
A political revolution led by a jarred herring;
Philosophical debates with ancient stones;
A dragon who spent two thousand years learning English and gave up;
And a meeting with ancestors who decide it's finally time for a vacation.
This is a story about family-not just the one you're born into, but the one that's willing to carry a portable grill through a portal, sweep pyramids, and hold onto an anchor when the world starts tilting. And about how even the most absurd journey might end well. Especially when you have a spare eye, some divine glue, and faith that everything will somehow work out.
Chinese Forshmak is the first installment in a round-the-world cycle where Odessa humor meets Chinese wisdom, and absurdity becomes the main plot driver. Perfect for fans of Terry Pratchett, believers in the power of family bonds, and anyone who knows that true identity isn't about what's inside-it's about having the right paperwork.
Part of the Forshmak Goes Global series
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