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Pulling Out
Paperback
Publisher: Nicholas Michael Matiz
Published: Mar 27 2026
Pages: 342
Weight: 0.75
Height: 0.71 Width: 5.00 Depth: 8.00
Language: English
Meet Elias Campbell: bookstore clerk by day, self-destructive sex addict by night, and master of the disappearing act in all situations. He's perfected the art of being everywhere and nowhere-a transparent ghost boy who exists only to be filled temporarily by strangers' desires while his authentic self remains locked in the metaphorical basement, collecting dust with his abandoned poetry and dreams.
Sex isn't about pleasure for Elias; it's about erasure. Each anonymous hookup, each line of cocaine, each morning-after escape is another brick in the wall between his public performance and his hidden truth. It's working perfectly until a Sunday dinner with his religious mother accidentally cracks his carefully constructed nothingness, forcing him to consider the unthinkable: what if disappearing isn't actually living?
Cue the messiest recovery journey since your last attempt at assembling IKEA furniture without instructions. With his ride-or-die friend Jamie serving tough love with a side of sarcasm, a therapist who refuses to buy his bullshit, and Ryan-a Hawaiian mythology PhD student whose dimple might be worth staying sober for-Elias stumbles toward a self he barely recognizes.
Pulling Out isn't your typical redemption narrative with convenient rock bottoms and Instagram-worthy breakthroughs. There's no magical rehab montage or perfect healing. Instead, it's a brutally honest, occasionally funny, and surprisingly tender exploration of what happens when a gay man raised on shame tries to transform sex from weapon back to connection, one excruciatingly present day at a time.
Bold, unflinching, and refreshingly bullshit-free, this novel goes where most addiction stories fear to tread-into the specific minefield of sex addiction in gay communities, where the same apps that facilitated destruction might sit on the phones of potential partners, and where sobriety means learning to navigate intimacy without the familiar buffer of being absolutely high out of your mind.
Recovery isn't pretty, but as Elias discovers, it might be worth it if it means trading ghost stories for something real.
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