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The Life We Never Chose: The Hidden Forces That Made Us Who We
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ISBN13: 9798192144701
Publisher: Independently Published
Pages: 626
Weight: 1.64
Height: 1.55 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
Publisher: Independently Published
Pages: 626
Weight: 1.64
Height: 1.55 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
We usually tell the story of a person from the moment they begin making choices.
We say that someone chose a career, chose a partner, chose a city, chose a lifestyle, chose certain values, and eventually became the person they are.
But that story begins too late.
Long before a person can choose a career, they have already learned what kinds of careers deserve respect. Long before they can choose a relationship, they have already absorbed ideas about what love should look like. Long before they can define success, someone has already begun defining it for them. Long before they can question their identity, they have already been praised and criticised for behaving in particular ways.
We say that someone chose a career, chose a partner, chose a city, chose a lifestyle, chose certain values, and eventually became the person they are.
But that story begins too late.
Long before a person can choose a career, they have already learned what kinds of careers deserve respect. Long before they can choose a relationship, they have already absorbed ideas about what love should look like. Long before they can define success, someone has already begun defining it for them. Long before they can question their identity, they have already been praised and criticised for behaving in particular ways.
The conscious self arrives later than the forces that shape it.
This is one of the strangest facts about being human.
We begin life without a clear idea of who we are, yet the world around us immediately begins answering the question on our behalf.
We learn what makes people proud.
We learn what causes disappointment.
We learn which emotions are welcomed and which are inconvenient.
We learn when attention arrives.
We learn what must be achieved to receive admiration.
We learn what should be hidden.
We learn what makes us belong.
Some lessons are spoken directly.
Others are learned through silence.
A child does not need to be told that a parent is uncomfortable with weakness if every expression of vulnerability is dismissed. A child does not need to be told that achievement matters if affection becomes noticeably warmer after success. A child does not need a lecture about appearance if criticism repeatedly focuses on how they look. A child does not need to be instructed to avoid failure if mistakes are treated as evidence of inadequacy.
The most powerful lessons are often the ones nobody remembers teaching.
Rahul Kumar Das
This is one of the strangest facts about being human.
We begin life without a clear idea of who we are, yet the world around us immediately begins answering the question on our behalf.
We learn what makes people proud.
We learn what causes disappointment.
We learn which emotions are welcomed and which are inconvenient.
We learn when attention arrives.
We learn what must be achieved to receive admiration.
We learn what should be hidden.
We learn what makes us belong.
Some lessons are spoken directly.
Others are learned through silence.
A child does not need to be told that a parent is uncomfortable with weakness if every expression of vulnerability is dismissed. A child does not need to be told that achievement matters if affection becomes noticeably warmer after success. A child does not need a lecture about appearance if criticism repeatedly focuses on how they look. A child does not need to be instructed to avoid failure if mistakes are treated as evidence of inadequacy.
The most powerful lessons are often the ones nobody remembers teaching.
Rahul Kumar Das
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