Landlocked, But All At Sea: A Northbridge Grammar Novel of Naval Glory, Misguided Heroism, and Generational Confusion
Paperback
Series: The Allistair Douglas Madness, Book 4
Publisher: Independently Published
Published: Jun 11 2026
Pages: 96
Weight: 0.28
Height: 0.25 Width: 6.00 Depth: 9.00
Language: English
This book is inspired by true events, namely the annual celebration around June each year where the Dutch celebrate the 1600's destruction of the British fleet at Chatham and their theft of the flagship, then known as Royal Charles (very much relevant today). Each year the Dutch invite the British Naval Attache as their star guest at their celebration dinner and each year the toastmaster announces that he or she is unable to attend. The rest is pure, chaotic fiction!
The Walls have always considered themselves a great naval family. History disagrees. From the ancestor who accidentally triggered the Zanzibar Salute Incident of 1890, to the wartime uncle who got drunk in Dover, stole a fishing boat, invaded France by mistake, and returned home a national hero purely through administrative confusion - the Wall family's maritime legacy is less glorious tradition and more ongoing hazard.Brickie Wall, Headmaster of Northbridge Grammar, is determined to restore the family's reputation. Unfortunately, he is also seasick on ferries, allergic to common sense, and in command of The Unsinkable II, a boat whose name is the most optimistic thing about it.
When Brickie launches an ambitious international sporting initiative on the River Severn, the results are immediate, spectacular, and entirely consistent with Wall family history. Students flounder, staff panic, the river rises in protest, and a parrot with more naval competence than its owner provides a running commentary.
Meanwhile, Brickie's son - Commander Sebastian Wall - is stationed in The Hague, where he is invited to the Dutch celebration of the 1667 Raid on the Medway, the single most humiliating defeat in Royal Navy history. Naturally, a Wall attending such an event can only end one way: with a ceremonial cannon misfire, a startled brass band, and a diplomatic incident that will require several committees to explain.
A riotously funny tale of inherited delusion, heroic incompetence, and the unstoppable momentum of family myth, Landlocked, But All At Sea is perfect for readers who enjoy dry British humour, school-based chaos, and naval traditions that really should have been discontinued generations ago.
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