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I Didn't Know What It Was
Paperback
Series: Pieces of Me, Book 1
ISBN13: 9789083526713
Publisher: Van Breugel Books
Published: Sep 6 2025
Pages: 302
Weight: 0.77
Height: 0.68 Width: 5.50 Depth: 8.50
Language: English
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS
A raw and intimate coming-of-age novel about silence, shame, and the terrifying moment you realize the person you're pretending to be... isn't you.
Kyle knows how to keep the peace. At school, he's a quiet, hard-working kid on the soccer team. At home, he's the reliable older brother in a family that doesn't leave much room for uncertainty-or softness. As long as he doesn't ask questions, no one asks them back. Especially not the kind he's too scared to answer.
But something's shifting.
There are moments he can't explain. Reactions he doesn't want. Glances that last too long. And a growing disconnect between the version of himself everyone sees-and the truth he doesn't dare name.
Late at night, when the house is quiet and the mask slips, Kyle lets himself feel just enough to fall apart. In anonymous corners of the internet, he starts to speak-carefully, cautiously-to someone who doesn't expect him to be anything but honest. And that honesty begins to unravel everything.
Because how do you hold on to the life you've built, when it was never really yours to begin with?
I Didn't Know What It Was is the first novel in the Pieces of Me trilogy: a tender, vulnerable exploration of identity, internalized fear, and the slow, aching journey of learning to breathe in your own skin.
A must-read for anyone who's ever felt the need to hide, and the quiet hope that maybe... you don't have to.
Themes include:
- Queer identity and internalized fear
- Family pressure and silent expectations
- Loneliness, longing, and emotional isolation
- The ache of not knowing who you are-but feeling it anyway
- The first spark of self-acceptance
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