Finding True Happiness (5-Pack)

Everybody wants happiness.

They may not always agree on what it is or how to find it. But they all want it. So do you.

But there's a problem. Happiness can be elusive,
like a bar of soap in the bath. We chase it and pursue it. We prioritize it and make sacrifices for it. Sometimes we catch it for a few precious moments--but then something happens and it slips out of our grasp. A crisis comes. We get used to the new relationship, new job, new
environment, new salary, and we want more. The quest for happiness begins all over again.

Humans have always found this challenging. People have written about it for thousands of years. But if anything it is even harder today, because there are so many false promises out there, mostly made on screens and sold for money. Every advertisement and notification promises fulfillment, but each time you find (at best) the same old fleeting pleasures, and (at worst) addictions that enslave you. It is tempting to give up completely on the search for permanent happiness and to settle for distractions instead.

Is real happiness possible? The answer is yes.

Here are four things to know about real, lasting happiness.

First, it's deep, not shallow. We all know that some kinds of happiness are deeper than others. The rush of seeing more 'likes' on a social media post doesn't compare with the joy a young couple feels on their wedding day. But one of the oddities of human life is that we can experience happiness and unhappiness at the same time. We can be momentarily miserable about a sudden downpour or a stubbed toe, while also being substantially joyful and contented in our relationships or situation in life. The opposite is true too. Most celebrities can tell plenty of stories about smiling for the camera while being inwardly depressed.

The trick is to prioritize the deep over the shallow. Thin pleasures are quicker and easier to find. Deep pleasures are harder, slower, and much more satisfying. So we have to learn how to reach for, and even fight for, our deepest and richest joy. And that means engaging with the latter.

Second, lasting happiness is fundamentally spiritual, not fleshy. Human beings are mammals, and we all crave a few basic things: food, sleep, sex, comfort, power, and so forth. But we are also spiritual beings who find deeper and richer joy in things like love, beauty, compassion, creativity, and awe. Every time you delight in something that has no survival benefit whatsoever--sunsets, art, kindness, mountains--it is a reminder that you are spiritual as well as physical.

The challenge, as the apostle Paul puts it in his earliest letter, is that the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh (Gal. 5:17). When the New Testament refers to our flesh, it often means the ungodly part of our character that we are born with: the selfish, sinful part of all of us. Our fleshly desires put us at odds with each other, and this fills the world with greed, power struggles,
sexual rivalry, and violence. The fruit of the Spirit, by contrast, involves all the things that make life truly delightful: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:19-23). This is why happiness does not come from having more money, sex, or power, but from immaterial things like virtue, community, and love. It is why the happiest people you know are also the kindest, humblest, and most generous.

Third, deep happiness results from presence, not absence. Many of us describe happiness as what happens when you take something away--sadness, suffering, conflict, stress--and we talk about happy places as breaks, vacations, escapes, or getting away from it all. We think we become happy by
running away, not running toward.

The Bible says this is completely upside down. True and permanent happiness is found in the presence of one who is truly and permanently happy: God, who created the heavens and the earth, who became human in the person of Jesus Christ, and who gave those who trust in him his Holy Spirit, whose fruit is joy. God rejoices over his people by singing loudly (Zeph. 3:17), welcomes us into his own joy (Matt. 25:21), and fills our heart with joy that is inexpressible (1 Pet. 1:8).

Thirsty people need more than the absence of dust; they need water. And you and I need more than the absence of sorrow (which is not always possible, at least for now). We need the fountain of life and happiness, in whose presence are fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore (Ps. 16:11).

The danger with this is that it sounds like God is just a means to an end. It is tempting to see religion as a tool, a life hack you can try if you want to get happier, like Prozac or yoga. It's true that, statistically, if you pray and attend church, you will probably be happier. But crucially, this only works because God is the goal, not happiness itself. Lasting happiness--like sleep--is something that comes only when you stop focusing on it and center yourself on something (or someone) else.

Making happiness our priority is like putting the cart before the horse. It is secondary, not the primary goal.

It is a delightful mystery. Love grows by focusing on the Beloved, not the love. Faith expands as we reflect on whom we believe, not the belief. And happiness is greatest when our attention is not on the happiness itself but on the source. We are planets, not suns: We find our highest joy and purpose when we are orbiting a center whose glory and gravity is far greater than ours. Jesus put it like this: Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Matt. 6:33).

Finally, the happiness that lasts forever is a gift, not a reward. You cannot achieve it by traveling the world,