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Definitely Not a Criminal: A Darkly Funny Criminal Romance
Paperback
Publisher: Independently Published
Published: Aug 14 2026
Pages: 378
Weight: 0.87
Height: 0.94 Width: 5.50 Depth: 8.50
Language: English
He was sent to take her building. He took the job so nobody else would.
At two in the morning on the first hard freeze of November, a bleeding stranger sits down at Laney Brzezinski's bar and asks her to say he's been there since midnight.
She gives it to him before he finishes asking.
Forty minutes later two very polite men come in with very polite questions, and Laney lies to them with her hands full of glassware. She's good at it. She's been good at it since she was nine, covering for a charming man who came home afterward and told her she was the smartest person in the family. It was the best she has ever felt.
His name is Aleksander Nowak. He does historic restoration. He fixes her failing roof and won't take money for it. He doesn't make small talk, doesn't explain himself, and never once tells her a lie.
He also never tells her the truth: her bar is the last parcel on a block his family has spent four years buying up, the deadline is the end of February, and the job of removing Delaney Brzezinski was assigned to him.
He took it so the other guy couldn't have it. He has no intention of doing it. That decision is going to cost more than either of them can pay.
There are three rules on a napkin behind her register, written in ballpoint and signed by the two women who love her most:
1. Men who create paperwork are banned. 2. Tell each other the truth, especially about men. 3. If one of us says RUN, everybody runs.
Every Thursday, Laney looks her best friends in the eye and says the same seven words.
He is definitely not a criminal.
It gets easier every week. That's the part that should scare her.
A dark, funny, filthy winter romance about a woman who was raised to lie for the men she loves, the man who has never once been wanted by anybody, and the exact moment covering for someone stops being a favor and starts being who you are.
Book 1 of Extremely Bad Judgment - three best friends, one napkin, three spectacular failures of judgment. Each book is a complete standalone with its own HEA.
Tropes: he falls first (and hard) - obsession - morally grey hero who is never redeemed - forced proximity - only one warm building on a freezing block - grumpy, quiet, competent hands - praise kink - primal chase - possession and claiming - restraint - found family - dual POV, first person
Heat: Open door and explicit. Six full scenes. The camera does not cut away.
Content notes: Organized crime and extortion. On-page violence, including a death witnessed by the reader. Disposal of human remains. Obstruction of justice and coached false statements to police. A morally grey hero who does not reform. Possessive behavior and ownership language. Explicit sex, praise kink, primal play, restraint, and light breath play (a hand at the throat as claiming, no restriction). Alcohol and bar culture. Parental incarceration and childhood parentification in backstory. Grief and a dead parent. The off-page disappearance of an abusive ex-partner. No dubious consent, no non-consent, no degradation, no blood or knife play.
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