Revised and Updated With Over 600,000 Copies Sold
Pia Mellody creates a framework for identifying codependent thinking, emotions and behaviour and provides an effective approach to recovery. Mellody sets forth five primary adult symptoms of this crippling condition, then traces their origin to emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical and sexual abuses that occur in childhood. Central to Mellody's approach is the concept that the codependent adult's injured inner child needs healing. Recovery from codependence, therefore, involves clearing up the toxic emotions left over from these painful childhood experiences.
When facing demands at work, dealing with emotional situations at home, or struggling with a relationship, stressful thoughts and feelings can be overwhelming and may cause stress-related physical or emotional problems.This meditational will help readers identify the source of their stress and will offer techniques to reduce the unhealthy tension, anger, frustration, negativity, or fear the result. Topics include the pressure to achieve, the impact of the past, setting goals, identifying burnout, raising healthy children, coping with death, dealing with finances, and managing time.These supportive meditations--each with an inspirational quote, reflective essay, and positive affirmation--will help the reader tap into the calm, positive person within them to achieve relaxation, improved health, and self-satisfaction."
It is estimated that as many as 34 million people grew up in alcoholic homes. But what about the rest of us? What about families that had no alcoholism, but did have perfectionism, workaholism, compulsive overeating, intimacy problems, depression, problems in expressing feelings, plus all the other personality traits that can produce a family system much like an alcoholic one?Countless millions of us struggle with these kinds of dysfunctions every day, and until very recently we struggled alone. Pulling together both theory and clinical practice, John and Linda Friel provide a readable explanation of what happened to us and how we can rectify it.
A clearheaded study of what life can do to us and possible ways to begin again. --Carl A. Whitaker, M.D., author of Midnight Musings of a Family Therapist and coauthor of The Family Crucible Women and men who have been deeply hurt by someone they love often experience a pain that spirals out to undermine their work, relationships, self-esteem, and even their sense of reality. In Forgiving the Unforgivable, author Beverly Flanigan, a leading authority on forgiveness, defines such unforgivable injuries, explains their poisonous effects, and then guides readers out of the paralyzing anger and resentment. As a Fellow of the Kellogg Foundation, Flanigan conducted a pioneering study of forgiveness, and from that study, from her clinical practice, and from her many years of teaching, researching, and conducting professional workshops and seminars, she devised a unique six-stage program, presented here. Filled with inspiring real-life examples, Forgiving the Unforgivable is both a practical and a comforting guide to recovery and healing.
Through exercises and guided meditations, the author provides the means to uncover the influence of the primal bond between a man and his mother and to facilitate healing there--as well as in marriage, parenthood, friendship, and all other relationships of love.
Many of today's women are overextended栤diction to working, rushing, taking care of other people's needs. With wisdom, insight, and humor, these 365 mediations梯mbined with quotations from women of different ages, cultures, and perspectives涩ll help women recognize that cycle. In a welcome antidote to the mad rush of modern living, Schaef's concise meditations will open new doors to new ways of living. These meditations will provide sustenance and inspiration and create possibilities for positive change in the lives of all women who do too much.
A reissue of one of the classic works by James Hillman.- an anthology of Hillman's most provocative writings on psychology and religion.- vital introduction to the theories of one of the most original thinkers in psychology.- essays featured range from Hillman's well-known ruminations on betrayal and suicide to biting commentaries on everyday life to sustained think-pieces that explore psychological polytheism, family dreams, and poetic basis.- shows how Hillman draws on ancient philosophers' ideas of soul and magic and how he challenges modern notions of psychology.
The Love Potion: Chemistryand Dependence
On a recent TV talk show, the hostess asked about relationship addiction. She had heard the term a lot lately, she said, but was still puzzled. She asked, 'Just what is relationship addiction? What does it really look like? Is it like any other addiction?" Her guest replied, "Well, it can show up in any number of ways: as an obsession, for example -- a constant thinking, ruminating about the person you're in relationship with. Or there may be a compulsive quality about the behavior -- for instance, making frequent detours just to drive or walk by the partner's workplace. There may also be signs of tolerance increase. In the relationship addict's case, this translates into needing more and more of the other person's presence to feel OK.
"There is a need to protect the supply, which shows up as an unreasonable degree of possessiveness or jealousy. And there may be symptoms of withdrawal. When the relationship addict is separated from the I source, ' he or she may become anxious and depressed." "Hmm...," mused the show's hostess with a frown. "Sounds to me like you're describing love "
Although we have been socialized to think of this obsession as love, in fact, the compelling allure of its spell has little to do with the depth and enduring quality of true caring. Addiction to another person is what "falling in love" feels like-it is the wild abandon of the enchanted forest. The crucial distinction between relationship addicts and other people who fall in love is that the former expect this fleeting phase of a relationship to become a utopian endless summer that sustains forever the poetry, the ecstasy, and the feelings ofmerger they experience in their infatuation. Not only have women been socialized to nurture and take care of men in relationship, but they-in particular-have believed the myth of romance.
As women, we have accepted the notion that if only we find the right person, we'll fall in love and live happily every after-as fairy tales promise. Given this stage setting, it is not surprising that even women who are not relationship addicts show many signs of dependence. But obsessions, compulsions, and the temporary high of being "in love" are neither love nor proof of love; on the contrary, they are the signposts of falling in love-that tempting ecstatic feeling that can so easily lead to dependence and addiction.
At thirty-three, Maria has been a relationship addict most of her adult life. When she met Vic, Maria thought she had met her soulmate, a reallife version of the fairy tale prince: tall, dark, handsome, socially prominent, charming, and somewhat mysterious. Maria instantly fell for him. Within a few months they were married; like Tristan and Iseult, however, they did not live happily ever after.
When she fell in love with Vic, Maria misread some very important clues about him. She saw a superior man who was exciting, outgoing, friendly, and entertaining, but she saw him only in desirable contrast to her own alcoholic father-not in relation to herself. Unable to see past the glamour, she ignored warning signs about the inner man and failed to consider her inner needs or to ask herself what their life together might be like. As time went on, it became apparent that Vic was responsive to people only when he could be the center of attention. Because he was so self-centered,his delight in Maria's admiration was shortlived; he needed a challenge, a bigger audience. They became polarized: she became more focused on him, on trying to recapture his attention. But the harder she tried to get close to him, the more distant he became, escalating his involvement in his public and business life.
Maria became an extension of Vic, giving up her own aspirations and outside interests in favor of his. Soon her life became very narrow and isolated, and she was in constant emotional pain. Loneliness and abandonment, the things she feared most and had desperately tried to escape through relationships, kept creeping back into her life. To make matters worse, many of her friends had distanced themselves from her. They had become impatient with Maria, because despite her frequent tears, tales of woe, and pleas for sympathy, she often continued to stay in relationships that were clearly damaging to her health and self-esteem. Maria simply couldn't see it. She got her sense of self-worth from the rush of being in love and the initial admiration of the men she dated. With intense desperation she stubbornly continued to cling to her romantic dreams long after her men had turned their backs on her. So it was with her marriage to Vic. Even when she finally admitted to herself that it was not working, she could muster neither the courage nor the self-confidence to make the break until she had a new love in her life. The thought of having to face alone the emotional pain of a breakup terrified her. Not too surprisingly, this new relationship failed too, even though (or, rather, because) she focused all her energy and attention on the new man. Her fantasy that the right partnerwould fulfill all her needs-romantic love, excitement, self-worth, and the warding off of loneliness-continued into several other relationships.
The Subtle Nature Of Relationship Addiction
Overall, relationship addiction follows a process common to all addictions. But although it does not differ in kind from other addictions, relationship addiction expresses itself in subtler ways than some other forms of addictive behavior. For one thing, many of the indicators of relationship addiction in women were considered acceptable, and even applauded, in the past. For example, when Maria married Vic, few of their friends thought it inappropriate or unwise for her to quit the job she loved or for her to give up her workout schedule so she could have more flexibility to adjust her schedule to his.