All The News That's Fit to ReprintThe latest book in the New York Times bestselling Onion Ad Nauseam series includes every news story, opinion piece, news-in-brief, horoscope...yes, every last word that appeared in The Onion between October 2002 and October 2003. Here they are at last: all the issues of The Onion that you missed because you had a life to live. And each page takes 0.0 seconds to load Fanfare for the Area Man: The Onion Ad Nauseam Complete News Archives, Volume 15 is packed with material no longer available online or anywhere else. Look for a new volume every year.
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
4. Blades don't need reloading.
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert
9. No place is safe, only safer.
10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on. Don't be carefree and foolish with your most precious asset--life. This book is your key to survival against the hordes of undead who may be stalking you right now without your even knowing it. The Zombie Survival Guide offers complete protection through trusted, proven tips for safeguarding yourself and your loved ones against the living dead. It is a book that can save your life.
From the author who Nick Hornby calls smart, funny, soulful, and even educational--a smart, funny, soulful, and even educational collection of first-person experiences about life in America. Vowell captures the hilarious and moving things that happen when she confronts history.
This beloved illustrated classic tells the tale of Archy, a philosophical cockroach, and Mehitabel, a cat in her ninth life.Generations of readers have delighted in the work of the great American humorist Don Marquis. Marquis's satirical free-verse poems, which first appeared in his New York newspaper columns in 1916, revolve around the escapades of Archy, a philosophical cockroach who was a poet in a previous life, and Mehitabel, a streetwise alley cat who was once Cleopatra. Reincarnated as the lowest creatures on the social scale, they prowl the rowdy streets of New York City in between the world wars, and Archy records their experiences and observations on the boss's typewriter late at night. First published in 1927, Archy and Mehitabel has become a celebrated part of the twentieth-century American literary canon.
Danger It lurks at every corner. Volcanoes. Sharks. Quicksand. Terrorists. The pilot of the plane blacks out and it's up to you to land the jet. What do you do? The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook is here to help: jam-packed with how-to, hands-on, step-by-step, illustrated instructions on everything you need to know FAST-from defusing a bomb to delivering a baby in the back of a cab. Providing frightening and funny real information in the best-selling tradition of the Paranoid's Pocket Guide and Hypochondriac's Handbook, this indispensable, indestructible pocket-sized guide is the definitive handbook for those times when life takes a sudden turn for the worse. The essential companion for a perilous age. Because you never know...
We are all fascinated by the legal system and the people behind it. With Dracula Was a Lawyer, trivia experts Erin Barrett and Jack Mingo explore lawyers we love to hate (until we need one ), the pitfalls in our legal system, celebrity lawyers, and more. This compendium puts lawyers and legal history on trial and exposes over 500 outrageous oddities from the wild world of law.
With hundreds of sold-out concert dates each year, over 20 albums, two Grammys, two Cable ACE awards, and more HBO specials that anyone else, George Carlin is more popular than ever. Now Carlin's New York Times bestselling book comes to paperback. Filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other delicious verbal ordeals, Brain Droppings is drop-dead funny.